Discovering the True You

Discovering the True You

Wednesday, March 24, 2021

Beware of the Trade Offs

Choosing to where a mask instead of living a life of authenticity is a natural choice.  Choosing to reject a growing relationship with your creator and taking charge even seems wise.  These seem like effective strategies to avoid pain, rejection and to meet the expectations of others.  Self-protection on the surface seems necessary.  On deeper examination this strategy is self-destructive.  The consequences lead to an illusionary life.  Thomas Moore speaks of this in terms of “forgetting”.  He states that we forget who we were and who we might be.

The first thing we forget is who we were.  Masks are powerful things.  They can become real to us.  We buy into our own illusions.  The past informs us.  The false self you create by design buries any reality and negates any growth.  It is an avoidance of truth and attempts to distances you from pain.  Your new persona (or mask) is escape from reality and the creation of an illusion.

The second thing we forget according to Moore is “what we might be”.  The journey of life is revealing new things to us every day.  If we live in reality we will be continually discovering new aspects of our true, authentic self.  The cost of pretense is the loss of the future.  God has created you with great potential and over your life you will experience new elements of “what you might be” gradually.  The excitement of the gradual revelation of new things about yourself is part of the wonder and fulfillment of the Kingdom of God.  You have a special place in that plan.  But you cannot grow from a defensive posture.  In your created, illusionary world the false self closes the door to self-awareness.  It specializes in self-protection.

These two traps are places of deception and pretense.  There is no advancement and no reality.  You are cut off from the source of all insight and self-knowledge.  You are alienated from Abba Father.  He is the source of all truth.  Your alienation and self-protection cuts you off from all reality.  This are the true trade offs of your choice of pretense.  Your choice of faith in and union with the transcendent, creator God and the revealer of all truth allows life, fulfillment, and revelation to flow.  You open the door to relationship and life.  So the choice is yours.  The trade-offs are real and costly.  Faith is the only healthy choice.  The faith to join in union with your creator is the beginning of a love affair that will bring growth and fulfillment for the rest of your life. He is waiting for you with open arms.

Monday, March 22, 2021

Excuses, Excuses

You and I tend to shift responsibility when we make bad choices.  When it comes to the choice to create a mask and reside in the false self we do the same.  It is an impulse that must be avoided.  It is another act of deception that leads you further from the truth about the beauty of you!  When speaking of this Merton states, “It is the fault of the person who consents to the illusion, who finds security in self-deception…”  To be clear, if you are avoiding something it is probably difficult and unpleasant   You do not create illusions about things that are easy.  When you face the possibility of being rejected it is easy to attempt to become something that you are not.

Merton continues his quote.  He says that we are not willing to, “answer the secret voice of God calling him to take the risk of faith outside the protective limits of his five senses.”  The choice is clear, to live a life of illusions or to risk the exposure of faith.  The risk of rejection is real.  Some people may judge you and have expectations that you may never meet.  But the drastic choice to move to a life that is not real will cripple you!  You will have an imaginary life with little or no growth.  It is a choice to defer growth.  The issues that might drive change have been effectively neutralized.  The masks that you establish will deter any self-reflection, self-knowledge or self-awareness.  

It is a courageous choice to listen to that voice that will lead you to risk it all.  It a call to trust your creator fully and let Him show you who you are.  It is a choice to be real, authentic and true.  It is a choice to reject deception and illusion.  It is a choice to live rather than simply survive.  It is a choice to embrace life and experience fulfillment.  It is a choice to fully enter into a union with God.  It is a choice to invest it all into a love affair with your creator that gave his life for you.  It is a choice!


Friday, March 12, 2021

Fear of the Deep

 As I write, the invitation to experience the depths of God is in every post.  The reality however is that most of you will not choose to accept it.  This is not to insult you, but rather to reflect the reality that Merton spoke of.  He believed that most people would die before ever experiencing their true self.  Why is this?

In this blog I will reflect on one of the issues that are an obstacle to this experience.  It is a fear of the deep.  Most of us live in a fleshly surface level.  Going to church does not necessarily cure this.  The temptation to get earthbound is powerful.  It is sensory and draws you to experience of immediate gratification and visible world around you.  It is not wrong to live life to the fullest!  As a believer and as a son of God the creator of the universe, He has given you a great capacity for joy and satisfaction.  However, this is not the purpose of life.  In the midst of living and learning you will experience these graces.

But there are moments that we get glimpses of the deep.  Like a shipwreck lying on the ocean floor in clear water something will become clear and will reveal something you need to know at that very moment.  These insights are not random.  God plants these moments as invitations to deeper relationship.  But like diving, it will take more than a snorkel.  It will require a diving suit and air tanks.

The depths invite you, but you know that the path will not be easy.  It will require courage to explore the complexity of you.  It will require that you trust God in the depths without the air tanks.  You must rely on Him to be your all and your provider.  You will be called upon to let go of all the fear that holds you back and to engage fully into union with God.  It will require trust in Him as he uncovers the layers of your deception and reveals your true face.  The face that you chose to hide.  He will expose it for you to see.  But he will only do this with your permission. 

This is an invitation to the deep.  You do not know the treasures that you are missing.  There are no lifejackets or air tanks allowed.  Full submission to your creator is required to guide you on your journey.  Take the plunge!  It is worth it.  Your creator has so much to show you.  He is waiting.

Wednesday, March 10, 2021

Hard Choices

You and I make choices everyday that lead to the False self or the EGO or affirm your journey toward the divine, unique individual that you were created to be.  William Shannon speaks of it this way, "the seed of God straining to burst the shell of superficial self and activate our capacity for the divine."  This echoes Jesus when he stated that a seed must "fall to the ground and die" and if it did it "would "bear much fruit" (John 12:24).  You cannot activate the transcendent, eternal part of yourself.  You must have the help of your creator to return to his idea of you.  The touch of the divine opens the door to self awareness and strength to face whatever issues that produce your urge to put on a mask.  It is that union with Him that allows you to start your journey back to your true self.  It is His strength that makes it possible through His love to experience the great fulfilment of self discovery and authenticity.

The first choice is to die to your own ego and ego driven desires.  They will lead you to deception and pretense.  But after that there are many choices ahead.  Everyday you will either self deception or self discovery.  Your will aided by the power of the Holy Spirit and will gain new eyes to see your interior and reality.  You will experience the joy he feels when he looks at you.  That is the power of your choice.  The previous paragraph promises that you "will bear much fruit" or it will "activate your capacity for the divine."  

So the choice(s) is yours.  Are you willing to submit your ego to Him and let Him guide you to all truth?  Or are you going to arrogantly grasp at your self deception as truth?  The choice seems easy, but factor in your fear and your desire for self protection and it gets complicated.  Let me assure you that the choice is worth the cost.  You have an intimate relationship with God, more life satisfaction, and heaven to gain.  What do you really have to lose?

Tuesday, February 23, 2021

Masks, Performance and Authenticity

 The people in our lives can make many demands of us. These demands come from our family, our friends, our parents and co-workers. Personally I carried a mask of performance. I believed that I had to project an image of perfect performance to be a worthy human being. If my performance was less than that The problem that I faced was that along the way I made some BIG mistakes, made some bad choices and although I still stayed connected to my world, the gap between my illusion and my performance began to widen. I was able to maintain my deception and keep moving, but the reality in my spirit, in my emotions and in my day to day life began to take a toll.

I even began to believe my own deception some of the time, but eventually the truth came crashing through and I had to stop and reconstruct the illusion before I could move any further. Once that took place I could move forward again. This continued until I broke. I came to a moment that overwhelmed and overloaded my system. This was sudden and shook me to my core. I questioned everything.

That break was the beginning of life. I realized that I lived in an illusion that came at a great cost. I experienced a real, honest faith for the first time. I found that God did not expect what I had accepted for my whole existence. I realized that grace was real and that He had provided it even before I even knew I needed it. I began to form relationships based on reality rather than illusion and dishonesty. I developed friendships that were honest. I found safe places that allowed me to be myself.

Fast forward a few years and many lessons later, I can say that life is good. It is not perfect, and it never was… I not only love God, but I actually like Him. He is still holy,I still carried on the illusion that I things were still as perfect as always.still transcendent, still reminds me when I try to be something that I am not. He still forces me to face my own deception and reveals reality. But I know that He likes me too! He really loves me and wants to spend time with me. He created me and knows all my secrets but he still values me intrinsically.

This is the greatest reality. I have learned to rest. I realized that I do not have to strive or compulsively attempt to be something that I am not. I have learned to rest just as I am and enjoy Him and even more radical, enjoy me! And that is the greatest miracle.



Monday, February 22, 2021

The Prayer of St. Augustine

 St. Augustine was known for his soul searching and his desire for authenticity.  His  book, "The Confessions of St. Augustine is introspective and honest.  It is raw and unfiltered honesty flowing from an early church Father.  Having published it in today's environment he would probably not be allowed in ministry for his honesty and sinfulness.  The only other book with any similarity is "The Seven Story Mountain" by Thomas Merton.  The two works have been compared favorably.  This is a poem of Augustine that reflects the spirit of his own heart in order to connect with his creator and saviour.  Read this and reflect on your own quest toward authenticity and uncovering your true self.  Learn from this example of self-reflection and honest desire for God.  The  point of all of this is not to focus on the bad, but rather the grace that you and I and Augustine experience as we come into union with Abba, Father.

St. Augustine's Prayer

Lord Jesus, let me know myself and know You,

And desire nothing save only You.

Let me hate myself and love You.

Let me do everything for the sake of You.

Let me humble myself and exalt You.

Let me think of nothing except You.

Let me die to myself and live in You.

Let me accept whatever happens as from You.

Let me banish self and follow You,

And ever desire to follow You.

Let me fly from myself and take refuge in You,

That I may deserve to be defended by You.

Let me fear for myself, let me fear You,

And let me be among those who are chosen by You.

Let me distrust myself and put my trust in You.

Let me be willing to obey for the sake of You.

Let me cling to nothing save only to You,

And let me be poor because of You.

Look upon me, that I may love You.

Call me that I may see You,

And for ever enjoy You.

Amen.

St. Augustine of Hippo


Living in Wonder

Who are you?  This question demands some real reflection and thought.  The issue that arises immediately is the foundation for your answer.  It can be based on your fear, the pressure you feel from others or some other external pressure.  It can be based on what you perceive others need or expect from you.  The alternative is that it can flow from your sense of wonder, awe and worship.  When you reflect on your maker and his creativity your perspective ought to be stretched and forever.  Your potential and possibility as a creation from the hands of the God who made the stars and heavens and also chose the color of the sunflower chose who you are and the details of who you are.  That should give you a sense of wonder about yourself.  Your creation flowed from the very heart and imagination of your loving heavenly father.

The temptation to miss this and to shift to a survival basis when attempting to determine your own value and identity is very high.  Satan desires to keep you earthbound and to miss the majesty of your creation.  If he can keep you anchored to survival you will miss your destiny.  Every detail and part of you is designed to fit into God’s plan and play a part in His kingdom.  This is an honor and grace to play a part in his plan.  It is not deserved or because of your expertise.  It is because he has chosen to include you in his work.  That is part of the wonder.  This is the part you miss when you define yourself so narrowly, based on external sources.  Like a custom made tool you fit into a specific part of his plan.  You are more.  Celebrate the wonder of you!  He does. 


Sunday, February 21, 2021

The Supernatural Nature of Transformation and Awareness

 When thinking about salvation in today’s culture of doubt and denial the concept of salvation can lose its power.  Especially in American culture in an independence that asserts itself and attributes great power to the individual it is easy to forget the nature of the supernatural in faith.  Many people find themselves relying of self and ego and some human effort when thinking of salvation.  Merton is very clear that he believes that it is much more.  His comment is that salvation, “not merely a psychological thing – a self realization in the order of nature.  It is an objective and mystical reality – the finding of ourselves in  Christ, in the Spirit, or if you prefer, in the supernatural order”.  Merton asserts that it is the invasion of the supernatural into your human existence. 

This is especially important in the search for self.  It is not a self-improvement process.  It is about connecting to the transcendent, creator, redeemer God and allowing him to reveal or uncover it to you.  The secrets to this are not in you.  This is the difference in a Christian view and a secular world view.  The alternative to the idea that all you need to know is in you and if you slow down enough or become more self-aware you will realize it is that you need God’s help, and he is ready to guide you.

Merton’s assertion is that Salvation is the connection to the most powerful source in the universe.  It is the empowerment of your human flesh to have union with the God who created you and loves you.  In your union of love with him he will begin to reveal things about you to you.  His presence gives courage to journey deep.  Things that you long covered up or have forgotten will be restored through the process of revelation through relationship.  It is a lifetime process of working our that Salvation with fear and trembling.  It is not a self-improvement project or the outcome of effort of human.  This is different from other philosophies that attribute to man the power of change.  From a faith perspective Merton believed only God could bring restoration to man.  It required supernatural power to reverse the damage done by sin.  God has met the need and has provided just what is needed. 

If you have struggled against habits or your own human nature it is a natural outcome that you lose.  You instinctively know this from experience.  It is a supernatural process to bring transformation.  You can correct habits and lifestyle, but it does nothing to the heart.  It may make a big difference since life works better when you are not self-destructive, but it is not the transformation that God can bring.  It will involve your will, but it will also be empowered by the Holy Spirit.  So remember that there is more than self in self-improvement.  In fact is that is about our creator.

Saturday, February 20, 2021

The False Self: Where did all this begin?

Because of man’s disobedience you and I not longer has fellowship with our Creator.  Adam and Eve’s rebellion the only accurate reflection of who you and I are is lost.  We are now alienated from the very source of self-knowledge that really matters.  We have surrendered to the whispers of condemnation and shame coming from the Devil himself.  It is in his vested interest to keep you from your destiny.  As long as you are wandering and uncertain you are no threat to him.  Our opinion of who we are is skewed by the negativity and lies of the enemy.  There is only one clarion voice that can clear up your confusion.  You have been invited into an intimate relationship with your creator.  You must return to the love and truth of that relationship to experience the journey of discovery with Him.  Until you do, you are held captive to the fear and uncertainty of life without Him. 

Your tendency to hide and create masks is a natural instinct.  It begins when we are infants.  Thomas Merton states, “to say I was born in sin is to say that I came into the world with a false self.  I was born with a mask.”  (Page 13) It is the essence of sin to reject God the creator and to rely on your own effort.  The great tragedy is that in doing so that you trade your authentic purpose and destiny that God intended for the small, limited, one dimensional life that Satan offers.  You surrender your potential based on your uniqueness and design for the mundane, illusionary lie that the enemy offers.  You abandon your role in the Kingdom of the Creator.  You abdicate the fulfillment and satisfaction of living into your design.  These vanish with this fateful choice. 

Again Thomas Merton clarifies this choice.  He states, “When we identify ourself as separate from God… the essence of the false self… we position ourselves ‘over against’ the created order.” (Page 14)  You choose to rebel against your very own unique design.  One strange thing that occurs in the process of creating a false self is that you are often blind to it.  (Page 14) You do not even know what you have lost. 

After the creation of a false persona it requires great energy to maintain it.  It is exhausting.  It becomes an all-consuming effort (Page 31).  It is only an elaborate facade to cover our emptiness.  It is no more real or authentic for all your effort.  Every sin you commit to prop up the illusion puts a greater distance between yourself and the amazing, unique true self that God designed your to be.

The process of creating a false self begins when you feel threatened or insecure about how you present yourself based on the perceived expectations of someone else.  In some cases these are from the past.  Those in authority over us can have an exaggerated impact.  For instance I carry certain expectations from my father that stay with me.  One of these was shined shoes.  He meticulously polished his shoes and you could see your reflection in them.  I still feel a tinge of guilt if I look down and see a pair of scuffed shoes. 

Becoming aware of this is the first step to allow you to begin to notice when you start the process.  

Do you ever feel the weariness of pretending?

Are you experiencing the love of an accepting heavenly father?

Are you snuggling with your creator?

Are you self aware and paying attention?




Merton quotes from New Seeds of Contemplation.


Man’s Dilema: The Loss of True Self

One of the struggles many face is the challenge to identify and to be true to themselves.  In some circles this is viewed as some new age quest or psychological rabbit trail.  In some cases it may be.  But it is also a valid spiritual question to answer. Our understanding of our identity is at the core of our effectiveness and our ability to .  It forms the foundation of what we can and will accomplish as we live out our journey of faith.  It will determine our approach and the depth of our relationship with Abba Father.  It will either be a barrier or a benefit to the development of your faith.  If you have an accurate sense of self based on God’s assessment you will be able accomplish the good works that God planned in advance for you to do.  If you have accepted the lies and insecurities of the deceiver and believed his assessment then you will be limited by those beliefs.  The sad reality that is reflected on by Thomas Merton is that most people live their whole lives without ever finding what he refers to as our True Self.  A majority reject God’s plan and are trapped in the chains of performance and pressure to be someone that they were never created to be. 

Because of sin, man no longer walks in union with his creator.  Man’s rebellion has set him against the one that he needs the most.  It has set up a barrier between man and the one that knows us the best.  Only until we can reunite and reestablish relationship will we find the answers that we need to begin the journey back to ourselves.  Only when we surrender ourselves to our creator can we find the answers of our unique creation.  He is ready, willing and able to reveal what he is calling us to and who we are.  He is able to lift us from our own wisdom to his.  He will give insight as we get glimpses of ourselves throughout different episodes of our journey. 

It takes courage to face who we really are.  While it is a journey of self-discovery it is also a time to discover of limitations and areas that are not strengths.  It does not take away our strengths, but all strengths have incumbent weaknesses.  It only means that we must be students of ourselves.  Being self-aware allows us to know who we are, what our strengths are, and our short comings.  We all have them and this is part of being human.  But if we are too dependent the approval of others we may be tempted to try to deny this reality.  This is where the courage comes in.  Are we willing to accept the self that God created us to be rather than succumb to the demands of all the voices around us.  As stated earlier most comply with the voices and never accept the beauty of God’s work in themselves.  They never experience the joy of fulfilment that flows from using their God given talents and skills.  They never rest in themselves but rather continue to strive to perform to meet the expectations of others.  This in itself is a rejection of God and his plan. 

Your Mission: (Should you choose to accept it...  LOL) is to begin a journey toward the one who made you and really snuggle in and to begin to see yourself as you are, as he sees you!

The Merton Prayer

This prayer from one of Merton's early works is popular.

The Merton Prayer

 My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that
I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am
actually doing so. 

But I believe that the desire to please You
does in fact please you.

And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for You are ever with me,
and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.

“The Merton Prayer” from Thoughts in Solitude Copyright © 1956, 1958 by The Abbey of Our Lady of Gethsemani. 


An Affirmation

I am an original, treasured, extraordinary, capable, unique, gifted, individual, unrepeatable, and one of a kind. He calls me a masterpiece. That is who I am.